We all want perfection in our lives, to one degree or another. This is how we were made. This is why we strive. But, being mortal, we often try to achieve that perfection in the easiest way possible. A magic pill that will peel off the pounds. A new book to read that will transform our relationships. We tell ourselves that our lives will be perfect if only.... And then we will be happy. Because this is the ultimate goal of our perfection, isn't it? It is to be supernally happy, at peace, and comfortable in our own skins.
So I think of the ways I've thought would make me complete. Another medal in another race. A new home, a perpetually clean and orderly home, like my neighbor's house down the street. Losing 7.5 pounds. A new hair color. A different hairstyle. Clothes more like so-and-so's clothes. Living somewhere else. Etc, etc. All things about ME serving ME, me looking inward, me, me, me.
This morning as I stood washing dishes in my pajamas it occurred to me thus: We all of us are striving for completion, perfection, happiness. We many of us look for it in places where it is not to be found, not permanently. The new clothes get old, the new hair color grows out, the new car becomes less shiny. Even developing a talent won't complete a person. I too often forget that completion, wholeness, perfection come only through the Savior. And He doesn't care what I look like or how much money I make. He doesn't care if I'm thin or famous. He just asks for an honest heart, for humility, and He makes up the difference for all that I lack, if I let Him. And when I let Him, I no longer care about competing or keeping up appearances. I can stop worrying about all I haven't done or don't do that is important in the eyes of the world. I can look outward instead of inward. I can develop my gifts and use them to serve others and thereby glorify Him instead of using them to fill the endless hole in my ego. And what a better tool in His hands I can be than playing my old one-note instrument over and over.
Letting Him work in me requires faith. It requires letting go of my old security blanket. It means I stop comparing myself to everyone else, stop looking at magazine covers, stop worrying about my reflection in the mirror. It means asking Him each day to let me be of some service to Him in the world, and then listening for His answers. It means letting go of my old self and becoming new in Him. It means making mistakes, saying I'm sorry, and trying again tomorrow. I have a long row to hoe--I won't finish in this lifetime--but I will never, ever walk alone.
